What My Neighbour’s Cat Taught Me About Communication

What My Neighbour’s Cat Taught Me About Communication

by: Marie-Claire Ross

Igor is a large, muscly Russian Blue cat that loves to sleep for most of the day, get scratched under his neck and play a short game of string (has to be short – or else he falls asleep).

When our neighbours are away at work, he likes to visit us and sleep in our front garden.

Occasionally, he likes to grace us with his presence inside our place. To ensure we look after him in the way he is accustomed to at home, he communicates clearly and consistently about what he requires.

Being the laidback cat that he is, he is not into wasting words (or meows). He always has one demand at a time and will keep at his request until we obey. We have learnt that a meow can signal any of the following: “cuddle me”, let’s play with string”, ”feed me”, “let me out now!” or “can I come in?”

He supplements his meows with appropriate body language that always make it clear which of these needs must be met. When he wants a cuddle he will climb up your leg meowing and when he wants to play with string he meows then lightly paws at the stationary yarn. He will also look you right into the eyes when he wants something.

His method of communication is very simple, yet extremely effective. He has managed to teach us very quickly what he wants and his approach is always the same. And when all else fails and we appear to be ignoring him, he tears down our hallway making so much noise that we always get up to see what he wants.

We can all learn from Igor’s direct approach. His method can be used in any area of life where a message needs to be communicated: from telling your boss that you need a holiday to telling customers the benefits of your products.

In our field of creating successful promotional and training videos, Igor has reinforced to us why our videos are so good at getting a message across. This communication medium works because it:

1. Clearly conveys one message at a time
2. Uses visual cues to supplement the desired message
3. Repeats the message a few times
4. Adds interesting visual effects to grab attention.

So the next time you have an important message to convey, make sure you do the following:

1. Communicate one message at a time
2. Look people right into their eyes
3. Use appropriate body language
4. Do not give up/repeat your message
5. Go for shameless attention-grabbing techniques if needed (optional).

Of course, Igor’s tactic only works when people take the time to find out what he wants. Which is why you should always try to get your message across to the right target audience.

But despite Igor’s excellent communication skills, there’s one thing that we just don’t understand. He likes to put his right paw on our face and hold our head still, while he delicately sucks our nose! Think we better ask his parents about that one.

Top Ten Ways to Improve Your Communication Skills

Top Ten Ways to Improve Your Communication Skills

by: Dr. Dorene Lehavi

1) Listen without judgment. The key to good communication is listening well. Save your judging for later after you have heard and understood what was said.

2) Listen with the willingness to be swayed to the other person's opinion. No obligation to actually being swayed, but stay open to the option.

3) Listen without thinking about what you will say next. Take time before you respond.

4) Do not be invested in being right. Being right is not the point. If you must be right, you are not able to listen nor communicate because you have set up a barrier already. If you are always right that means the other person is always wrong. That cannot be true.

5) If your mind wanders, ask for repetition. We all are subject to distraction. Try to stay focused.

6) In all cases repeat back what you heard and ask if it is correct.

7) Listen to yourself. Find quiet moments and pay attention to what you are hearing from yourself. Does your body tighten up about certain issues. Body language is not something to read only in other people.

8) Say it honestly, but with consideration for the listener's feelings. Be polite, respectful and sincere.

9) Understand and acknowledge that most things are not black or white, but somewhere in a gray area. Get comfortable with gray.

10) Have integrity and build trust. Don't say what you don't mean. Don't promise what you won't or can't fulfill. Follow through with any committments you make.

Good listening skills take practice. Specific coaching may be necessary if you find you have communication issues with your boss, collegues, subordinates, partners or personal relationships.

Making Communication Effective: 4 Language Filters

Making Communication Effective: 4 Language Filters

by: Steve Brunkhorst

Language is a challenging way to communicate. It allows us to share our thoughts and feelings by describing our personal views of reality.

Yet language is not reality. It is merely a limited system of symbols, signals, sounds, or gestures that belong to a specific culture or group. It only describes a personal map of the actual territory. We might have a great message to share. Yet there are other important factors to consider if we want to make our communication effective.

In addition to the content of our messages, language conveys feelings. Our voices are colored with emotion and attitude. Add the subtle nuances of pitch and loudness, intonation, rate, facial expression and posture. Now we have a complex pattern of behavior with the power to influence our listeners.

Without those additional nuances available in writing, the selection of words and sentences must do all the work. They must be chosen carefully. Whether our messages are spoken or written, the job is still unfinished.

Our language must pass through the filters of emotion, culture, situational context, and personal beliefs. These filters will influence the listener’s perception and interpretation of our message resulting in either acceptance or rejection of our ideas.

1. Emotion: Our listeners may be joyful, anxious, upset, expectant, excited, or in any emotional state. Their emotional state will influence their reaction to our message. An upset individual will not be ready to receive new ideas. On the other hand, someone who is looking forward to hearing what we have to say will accept our ideas if we present them well.

2. Culture: An individual’s personal history, country of origin and upbringing will influence their worldview. Their language may not contain words and concepts that ours does. These people will interpret our messages differently than someone with our own background. They may not understand many of our views. When formulating our messages, we must take care to respect cultures, customs, and histories that are different from our own.

3. Situational Context: What the listener has recently experienced as well as environmental factors will also influence the way he or she receives our messages. Unlike emotions, situational context involves elements that are external to the listener. This includes our own presentation of the message. What we said previously and how we said it will influence the listener’s perception of what we say next. A room that is too noisy, dark, cold, or uncomfortable will distract the listener’s attention.

4. Personal Beliefs: We filter everything we hear through our personal beliefs. We relate everything we experience to previous experiences. If we understand an idea or concept, it is because we are relating it to our past learning. It is rare that we actually have a completely new experience. We have core beliefs about our lives; these personal maps of the world guide the way we listen, perceive, and interpret what we hear. Our messages will be influenced significantly by our listener’s personal beliefs. We need to select our words carefully, and craft our presentations so that they will touch our listeners on a deeper emotional level. It is at this deeper emotional level where the most effective communication is achieved.

Well-chosen language can touch the heart and soul, find a common ground, tear down walls of division, and foster powerful new alliances. It can be an extremely powerful success tool.

Language that ignores the listener's emotional state, culture, current life situations, and personal beliefs will miss its mark. Instead of building trust, it will distance us from those who could become friends and allies.

Ralph Waldo Emerson said, "Eloquence is the power to translate a truth into language perfectly intelligible to the person to whom you speak."

Choosing our messages carefully, and remembering these language filters will help us develop that eloquence, and will make our communications more effective. We will obtain improved results in both our careers and personal lives by engendering trust, building rapport, and creating positive new relationships.

Great Communication Skills

Great Communication Skills

by: Colin Ong TS

Having good communication skills in the workplace is important. This article will provide tips to take into account a rapidly changing workplace.

Details of the message:

It is important that you first check the authencity of the message before you start to communicate with your office colleagues. Has the message been transmitted from a reliable source or was it something that you just read in the newspapers? Good communication skills will enable you to be more credible and reliable - but it is as good as the contents of your message.

Don't change the message:

Some people are fond of providing their personal input about a message. Problems will arise if the receiver unknowingly accepts the message with the input as the "total package". This may cause confusion and misunderstanding in the workplace.

Get to the point:

A similar point is to keep the message short. It good to provide bulleted headings and paragraphing if the message is long and detailed.

Information or Feedback?:

As many workplaces are fast-paced and activity driven, it is important that you communicate with the receiver if you are sending information or getting feedback. This may not be very apparent if your message is phrased in an open-ended way. An example of this problem is when you say " There will be a meeting on Saturday." Is it compulsory for the receiver to attend?

Sensitive to the environment:

If you have an important message for the receiver who happens to be making a speech in front of VIPs, how will you communicate? Will you interrupt him in mid-speech by shouting the message across the conference room? This method is definitely not recommended. Instead, you should write out the message and hand it to him without distracting the audience. Most poor communicators are not sensitive to the working environment and place high importance in transmitting the message.

Sensitive to the receiver:

We all have our "off days". Thus it is important to be sensitive to the message receiver, especially if he is your immediate superior and the message is negative. Use your own intuition to time the message so that he will be in a better frame of mind to evaluate the problem. However, this takes a lot of practice and patience. But your superior will be appreciative of your efforts.

Effective use of email:

It is good practice to send an email if you are unable to contact the receiver. The advantages are obvious; you are able to send an email attachment with your message and there is proof that you have done your part (unless his email account is over-quota!). You can also broadcast the message to a few people so that his colleagues are able to handle the problem is he is away.

Effective use of SMS:

As most people have mobile phones, you should consider using SMS to help in your communication. A suggestion is to send an SMS to inform him that you have just sent an email that requires attention. However, please note that SMS communication may have a time lag, so use it with caution.

Deep Doghouse Communication for Angry Men

Deep Doghouse Communication for Angry Men

by: Newton Hightower

Many times when an angry or rageful man comes into the office to see me for the first visit, he is in a deep crisis. Such was the case with Jerry. He was in the “deep doghouse.” He was separated from his wife and she had filed for divorce. A man is in the “deep doghouse” when his wife is very angry and most of the communication is her expressing anger, displeasure and criticism of him.

Although Jerry was deep in the doghouse, he was what I call an eager customer. He was not interested in spending the session explaining to me how he was right and she was wrong. Neither was he particularly interested in exploring his psychological make-up or that of his wife.

Jerry was an engineer with 20 years at a big oil company. Often, therapists complain of engineers because they are slow to get in touch with their feelings. However, engineers are my favorite clients because they put the pressure on me to provide something that works and works quickly. He wanted something to prove to his wife that he was making a dramatic change.

We discussed the importance of abstaining from the 15 behaviors that trigger rageaholics. Jerry said that he would work to control his behavior. He said that he would not be in this predicament if he had been abstaining from these behaviors all along, especially profanity.

The next week he said that things were no worse with his wife and he had not lost his temper. I complimented Jerry on his good work. He had done a great job of not exploding, even when his wife was cursing him and calling him names. Jerry went to great lengths to stop his profanity, name- calling, mocking and threatening, and he even kept a quiet voice.

When I asked him what he wanted to get out of the next session, he said, “I want to learn how to stop arguing with her, if that is possible.” He said that they kept having very long arguments that went on for hours on the phone. I told Jerry that there were three words that would stop any argument: You are right.

These words will stop an argument because in order to have an argument, there has to be a disagreement. Without a disagreement, it is impossible to have an argument. Now these words go against some of our training as men. What we men have learned is how to hang on to being right. I was told that I should never give up when I was right. I was taught to stick to what I believed. And this idea of sticking with what you believe, never stopping, hanging on to being right, may be useful in many areas of your life, but I think you probably have found that it is not useful in your marriage.

The truth of the matter is, no matter what anyone says, you can usually find some smidgen of truth in it. You can acknowledge they are right in some way.

“You are right” does not mean you agree to change anything. I say this over and over again—and it is hard for most ragers to comprehend. Someone telling me that I am selfish, self-centered and egotistical is not a request for a behavioral change. These are universal, human frailties. I make no commitment to change any behavior when I agree with my wife that I am selfish, self-centered and egotistical. It is not the time to argue when you are deep in the doghouse and your wife is ranting and raving at you.

When deep in the doghouse, you should not explain your behavior, not defend your behavior and certainly not counterattack. Deep doghouse communication is about receiving the message and validating her point of view. It is about receiving, not sending. Arguments get started when you try to send back when she is still sending. If you say, “Well, you haven’t always been around here either--How about the two weeks you went to visit your mother?” that is gasoline on the fire.

Many of you may be thinking, “But what if she isn’t right? Am I supposed to lie?” I suggest that you:

1. Say the phrase, “You are right.”
2. Find some truth in what she is saying and agree with it.
3. Get your “but” out of the way. Don’t say, “You are right, but…”

You can state your opinion when you get out of the doghouse.

Communications Skills Add Value

Communications Skills Add Value

by: Pat Morgan

Want to uncover a success secret that can lead to more happiness, help you to be more effective in your work, enable you to make more money and to be more fulfilled? Sound too good to be true? The secret.... polishing your communication skills! This secret can help you improve performance, relationships and achieve more happiness and fulfillment.

Four Tips for Improving Communication...

1. LISTEN. A wise person once told me that we have two ears and one mouth so that we can listen twice as much as we talk. That got my attention. It sounds so simple, but how many times are you engaged in conversation and are not really listening? Your mind is on your next meeting, client, project, dinner, kids or maybe you're just busy thinking about the next thing you're going to say when the speaker takes a breath. In any event, listening is a skill that can be improved.

Ask yourself: Do I listen twice as much as I speak? Do I need to improve my listening skills?

2. BE RESPECTFUL. Even in situations where communication may be difficult, treating the other person with respect allows more open and constructive exchange of opinions and ideas.

Ask yourself: Am I respectful when communicating with others?

3. RESPOND RATHER THAN REACT. Watch your emotions. If what the speaker is saying creates an emotional response in you, listen extra carefully with attention to the intention and full meaning of their words. When we are angry, frightened or upset, we often miss critical parts of what is being said. Be slow to disagree, criticize or argue. Even if you disagree, let them have their point of view. If you respond in a way that makes the other person defensive, even if you "win" the argument, you may lose something far more valuable.

Ask yourself: Do I react rather than respond?

4. IMPROVE YOUR COMMUNICATION SKILLS. If you find yourself unable to express your thoughts effectively with co-workers, clients, your partner or family, perhaps you would benefit from working with a professional who can help you clarify and develop language to more clearly express yourself.

Ask yourself: Who will I ask to help me improve my communication skills?

Think about it...

Aoccdrnig to a rscheearch at Cmabrigde Uinervtisy, it deosn't mttaer in waht oredr the ltteers in a wrod are, the olny iprmoetnt tihng is taht the frist and lsat ltteer be at the rghit pclae. The rset can be a total mses and you can sitll raed it wouthit porbelm. Tihs is bcuseae the huamn mnid deos not raed ervey lteter by istlef, but the wrod as a wlohe.

Fun Fact: We listen at 125-250 words per minute, but think at 1000-3000 words per minute.

Quotable Quotes

"Listening is a magnetic and strange thing, a creative force. The friends who listen to us are the ones we move toward. When we are listened to, it creates us, makes us unfold and expand." ~ Karl Menninger

"Take advantage of every opportunity to practice your communication skills so that when important occasions arise, you will have the gift, the style, the sharpness, the clarity, and the emotions to affect other people." ~ Jim Rohn

About The Author

Pat Morgan, MBA and Professional Coach, has 10 years experience helping teams manage organizational and cultural change. As President of Smooth Sailing, she supports individuals and organizations in managing change, improving performance and achieving excellence both professionally and personally. She has created and led workshops and seminars for organizations such as: the National Association of Women Business Owners (NAWBO), the American Society for Training and Development (ASTD) and Rotary International.

3 Easy Steps to Low Stress Communication

3 Easy Steps to Low Stress Communication

by: Peter Murphy

Life is all about choices. And so is the way you communicate. You can fill your days with frustrating high stress communication or you can have days of low stress effective communication with your peers.

Now take a moment to learn three ways to have low stress communication.

1. Recognize Positive Intentions

When someone you are talking to is unkind, negative or downright rude it is easy to get annoyed, angry and even aggressive.

However this will just makes the situation worse and even faster than you can imagine.

There is a better way. Instead look for the positive intention of the person you are talking to. What do I mean?

Ask yourself -- what is the positive intention behind this behavior?

If the person you are talking to is angry maybe the positive intention is to express some hurt or frustration. What is important is looking for a positive not to get the correct answer.

When you assume the person has a positive message hidden underneath the negative exterior you will have more compassion and patience and you will not feel so stressed dealing with the individual.

2. Choose Your Own Emotional State

I talk a lot about the importance of managing your emotional state. Why? Because it is an essential life skill.

Unless you are in charge of how you feel your ability to communicate effectively will always be limited and dependent on other people.

When you are in a potentially stressful situation and everyone around you is losing their cool this does not mean you have to join them! You will be able to contribute a lot more if you remain calm and centered.

Staying calm and resourceful is a choice you can make. Unfortunately it is all too easy to be a sheep and simply follow the crowd. Nobody says you have to be a sheep!

Instead make a point of keeping yourself in a resourceful state.

3. Step Outside The Situation

Whenever I am in a highly charged situation I will often step outside the situation -- in my mind. This helps to defuse the event for me.

You can do this too. Simply imagine that you are at the other end of the room watching the interaction between you and the other person or people.

It is as if you are a neutral observer with no emotional involvement in the discussion at hand.

When you do this you will think of ideas to handle the situation better and you will also feel less bothered by the stress of the other people.

This is one technique you need to play with first in easy everyday conversations. Once you get familiar with it you will find it easy to mentally step outside the event while still participating with the people in front of you.

Stress or relaxation which do you prefer?

About The Author

Peter Murphy is a peak performance expert. He recently produced a very popular free report: 10 Simple Steps to Developing Communication Confidence. Apply now because it is available for a limited time only at: http://www.howtotalkwithconfidence.com/report.htmpeter1510@hotmail.com